Relationship Therapy

Relationship therapy is an opportunity for people to come together in a safe and held environment to work on their relationship.

The focus of relationship therapy is to

• promote safe, secure and healthy patterns of connection
• identify patterns of interaction that are causing problems
• work through difficult conversations and conflict areas
• deepen intimacy and connection
• deepen self and other awareness
• strengthen healthy dependency and to distinguish between effective and ineffective dependency
• feel understood and heard by each other

A relationship therapist is good at distinguishing process from content, reading underlying dynamics and messages, being with deep feeling, addressing resistances and providing a safe container in which to work. At all times a relationship therapist works at being on the side of the relationship rather than biased toward a specific person. The client is the relationship.

The relationship framework that I have been trained in is Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT). This therapy model addresses the question: “What is necessary for a lasting transformational shift to occur in a distressed relationship?”

Relationship therapy is an opportunity for people to come together in a safe and held environment to work on their relationship.

The focus of relationship therapy is to

• promote safe, secure and healthy patterns of connection
• identify patterns of interaction that are causing problems
• work through difficult conversations and conflict areas
• deepen intimacy and connection
• deepen self and other awareness
• strengthen healthy dependency and to distinguish between effective and ineffective dependency
• feel understood and heard by each other

A relationship therapist is good at distinguishing process from content, reading underlying dynamics and messages, being with deep feeling, addressing resistances and providing a safe container in which to work. At all times a relationship therapist works at being on the side of the relationship rather than biased toward a specific person. The client is the relationship.

The relationship framework that I have been trained in is Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT). This therapy model addresses the question: “What is necessary for a lasting transformational shift to occur in a distressed relationship?”

This model of therapy is based on our primary and very human need for love, trust and secure connections with others. We continually search for emotional contact and responsiveness within our relationships. We want to know that our partner will be there for us and that we are special to them. In essence we are emotionally dependent on each other for nurturing, soothing, love and protection. Being attached to someone is viewed as a normal source of safety and security. The work is to make our dependency on each other secure and healthy rather than insecure and unhealthy.

EFT suggests that emotional isolation is very painful for us. Couples often get stuck in painful relating patterns which lead to disconnection. Protective strategies like criticism, blame, anger, withdrawal and non-responsiveness create loneliness and a lack of safety in our relating. The work in EFT is to repair these disconnecting patterns and to learn how to stay connected and safe with the person you love.

Read more about EFT in three articles by Sue Johnson, the creator of EFT.

Hold me tight

Attachment, love and science (abbreviated article)

When your partner doesn’t have empathy